Betsy's Blog

My dog Rigley used to be my baby. For nine years before Aidan was born, I showered him with love and attention, many walks, and way more baths than I can fit in now. I did not expect my relationship to change with him so drastically.

He is outside, he whines. He whines while Aidan is whining, or screaming, or whatever. He is inside, he wants out. He is outside, he wants in. He sits under the table waiting like a gambler at a casino for food to fall, or Jackpot! Aidan to purposefully drop whatever he is eating on the floor. He howls at sirens. Barks when I blow bubbles. Needs me to lift him up on the bed. He growls when Aidan is too rough with him.

I despise myself when I am irritable and impatient with him. I feel such a tremendous amount of guilt at the way I feel, and the changes in his life since Aidan came into the picture. I still love him, and have moments where I feel twinges of the devotion I used to feel, but then it flitters away as quickly as it came.

This is the reason (among many) that I could not have any more children. What kind of horrible mother would I be to Aidan? I shudder at the thought. Something is wrong with me. I feel this way, then 3 months ago when Rigley tried to bite Aidan and I thought I had to give him up, I sobbed so much my boss sent me home from work. He may be smelly and anoying, but I still love him....and he WAS my first baby.